Seleni Spotlight: Margaret Boyden, LMSW
May 2021 - Margaret, LMSW, is an experienced Psychotherapist who has extensive experience working with clients struggling with depression, anxiety, life transitions, parenting challenges, and relational trauma. Ms. Boyden earned her MA in Social Work from New York University and has additional education in developmental psychology and trauma-informed psychotherapy.
She has received training in private psychotherapy clinics, outpatient hospital facilities, as well as school and community mental health settings.
Ms. Boyden’s approach to therapy is strengths-based, centered in empathy and dignity. She works to support self-determination and freedom from overwhelming feelings and negative beliefs that can prevent clients from seeing choices and recognizing their strengths. She draws from a variety of treatment modalities, including humanistic, behavioral, and trauma-informed practices, always prioritizing the therapeutic relationship, compassion, and a positive working alliance with clients.
What motivates you to work in this field?
Emotional struggle is a normal challenge for all humans, and it is important when someone asks for help. Defense mechanisms, maladaptive behaviors and negative beliefs have a protective role- they help us tolerate pain and survive when we are overwhelmed. However, that protection can limit one’s capacity to live life.
Unprocessed emotions often cloud over many aspects of a person’s personality as well as their strengths and skills. It means so much to me to support someone’s journey beyond what no longer serves them. To me, there is true beauty in seeing someone know they deserve better and hope for growth. There may be many obstacles--fear, hurt, unproductive habits, shame—all formidable challenges when someone is trying to heal and function optimally all on their own. Working together in a therapeutic relationship unburdens clients, and opens opportunities to feel feelings often too hard to tolerate on one’s own. From there, personal potential abounds as clients gain clarity, make shifts, and experience increased mastery. A new sense of agency comes from the self-awareness developed. Self-acceptance and self-love come with being witnessed and accompanied. I love to see how therapy can release people and free them to embrace all that makes life worth living.
What excites you most about being part of the Seleni family?
Seleni is an incredibly dedicated organization providing highly effective and broadly accessible help for issues that can be very isolating and complex. Maternal mental health struggles are almost omnipresent and yet still often minimized or denied because of antiquated taboo. The support provided is outstanding, offering uplifting and transformative care for women who would otherwise struggle alone and in silence. I am so impressed by the consistency of care at Seleni, provided to a diversity of clients and for a spectrum of needs.
What is your favorite podcast, movie, book, or magazine, related to the field of mental health?
I have always loved the movie “Ordinary People” (1980). It depicts the story of a boy in crisis who comes to work with a psychotherapist, and their relationship provides life-saving support. The boy enters therapy reticent to share his vulnerability—all the sadness, guilt, and fear he has been carrying. The therapist helps him understand that these feelings, while incredibly painful, are understandable and speak to the strength of his connection to others. He helps the boy work on his self-esteem, and his ability to tolerate feeling difficult emotions. Over time, the boy gains resiliency and confidence. He is able to leave the crisis behind and know himself again as someone including but much more than his pain and challenges. The end of the movie shows him returning to a full life of friendships, productivity, and positivity that includes both the capacity for self-reliance and also authentic connection with others. It is incredibly life-positive and poignant. Plus, the seventies styles are amazing to see!
Working in mental health can be emotionally tiring. How do you practice self care?
I believe that resilience is not a trait, but a process we can all engage in at whatever level we are capable of, every day. It is the repetition of choices that feed the body, mind and soul. It may be something that seems insignificant, or indulgent, but small things can be effective. The reminder to oneself that there can still be joys, interests, and peace even in the midst of chaos or struggle is so important. This may be wearing a fun eyeliner or using a home fragrance, or meditating and writing in a journal. It can be shallow or deep. The point is that it reminds me that I have many other thriving parts, and while I engage in those other facets, I can rest the parts of me that are tired out. Ideally, the break will be helpful—it will support my return to more optimal functioning. Sometimes it takes a lot of self-structure to choose the most effective tool. That’s hard when I’m drained. If I make a choice that really does not give me back the energy I need, I can try again with another choice. Self-care that seems indulgent or wasteful is actually vital and pragmatic when it does the job to get me back to my most effective and best self.
What is the best piece of advice you have ever received?
“Live and let live” has been such an inspiring message for me. To me, when I’m busy living, there is so much to do, so much I care about, I’m too busy to think about what others think (or the fears and insecurities I’m projecting onto others). It has helped me stay centered in myself, and deepen my awareness of what makes me happy, and what my values are. I don’t have to define success as only meaningful in the most competitive environment. I can embrace that I contain many different facets, interests, and skills, as well as vulnerabilities and things I want to improve. When I remember this advice, areas of growth seem more like opportunities than challenges. I’m excited about life and all it has to offer, and I’m more accepting of myself. That comfort and excitement opens me to so many possibilities for friendship, connection, learning, collaboration, you name it. It is a salve for much of the anxiety we can all feel, and provides the encouragement that sometimes the goal is in making the attempt!
What’s a quote that you carry with you to uplift yourself? – What quote inspires you?
“You can’t always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, you get what you need.” (Rolling Stones, 1969) This quote helps me distinguish between what I need and what I want. Having a sense of “how important is it” helps me modulate my feelings when I’m worried, or when I’m engaged in magical thinking that life will always be smooth sailing. It helps me remember to stay present in the day, look for things to be grateful for, and opportunities for fun. It also helps me summon the patience I sometimes need when I’m frustrated, disappointed or feeling scared. I know most problems have a solution if only in a change of my attitude, and my ability to outlast uncomfortable feelings. When I get to the next moment, there is a different experience to be had, more joy, more confidence, more peace. I love that I can navigate choppy waters and still embrace the adventure that is life, even if it looks different than what I had been told it would be, or I am different than I thought I would be. I’m grateful for the opportunity to keep on keeping on!
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For more information about Margaret Boyden, visit here.
